Softball follies

Tonight was softball night again. And I'm telling you, there are tons of crazy things going on. It must have been my night because I had a ton of action tonight.

First up, have you ever noticed how hard it is to throw a softball? That thing is like a dead weight in your hand. Not to mention, you can't grip it with your fingers. You have to grip it with your whole hand. That makes it super hard to get any snap on the ball.

Second, this field we played on was worst than the sandlot ballfield I played on growing up. The field we made out of grass behind the concession stand at the Little League fields was better than this thing. MOST of the infield was sand. And since Noah and God have been talking lately it's been raining for about 40 days or so and the field is really wet and messy. The city is too lazy to drag the field so there are ruts and holes everywhere. The only fence on the field is behind home plate and it's right next to a corn processing plant so the air is nice and fresh. And don't forget about the people who let their dogs drop bombs all over the outfield grass. (Amazingly I was playing center again) It looked like a freaking dog park out there or something.

Crazy thing #1--We had not one, but two opposing players decked out in full baseball uniform attire. Not just cleats (about all I can stand for church league) but also full rise baseball pants, form fitting under armour shirts, stirrups and flip down sunglasses (for a game that basically happened at dusk). One of these guys was crazy serious guy who played college baseball and now wanted to take it out on other people. He's crazy guy #1. The other guy was basically a poser. He didn't do much.

So, crazy guy #1 turns out to be a monster hitter. I mean, way outside the scope of the league these games are played in. His first time up he hits a ball into left center that is in the gap (he's lefthanded and we only have 9 players, right fielder is a girl (no offense) so the gap is rather large). (Yes I did just use a parenthesis inside a parenthesis) I know this guy is off to the races figuring that he can beat any throw from us limp wristed players back in from the outfield. He unfortunately didn't know that although I'm quite portly I can run fairly well and I have a cannon for an arm. By the time I grabbed the ball and fired it back in he had to stay at third. He was none to happy about that. I was very happy about that. Even though he scored on the next play.

My first time up I rocked a line drive to the SS that was dropped. (This is the poser from above) I'm off to the races trying to beat the throw. I notice out of my peripherals that the throw is bad so as I'm running I start to move my feet to get into position to round the base and take second (remember the bad field??) as I do that the 1st baseman comes over into my path (not a good idea, once I get moving I DO NOT stop very quickly). I decide to try to hit the corner of the bag and go to second all while avoiding a certain collision with this poor 1st baseman who has no idea what he is about to experience. Unfortunately, the bases on this field are sunk into the dirt. Yes, sunk in. I mean, the top of the bag is level with the infield. As I try to step on the corner there is no corner. Next thing you know I'm on the ground rolling and bouncing. And I can't breathe. I basically landed straight on my chest and then rolled over a few times (remember I can't stop). So I'm on my hands and knees and I'm sucking air for all I'm worth. I look like my dog (Boston Terrier) when she gets this reverse breathing thing going and she is snorting and trying to catch her breath. That's what I'm doing. I'm definitely not feeling very good at this point. The "coach" wants to take me out for a pinchrunner but there is no way that is happening. If I get on I'm going to run around the dang bases. I've had my wind knocked out before but that was the worst I've had. My chest is still hurting. I did get to advance to the next base though because the ball went past the 1st baseman and out of the field of play (remember how there are no fences??).

So, we are only in the 2nd (maybe 3rd, I don't know) inning and I'm hurting. I've already had the base running incident and I've run all over the outfield catching balls and getting the ground balls. But now someone hits a ball that is kind of a bloop hit over the middle of the field that is dropping in front of me. Even with my blinding speed (my story) I can't get to this thing so I pull up, field the hop and fire that sucker home. And it is a fantastic throw if I say so myself. Nice and low, right to the pitcher's (he's covering the plate rather than the girl catcher) knee. Runner is out by a mile. He drops it. Ehh. That's how it goes sometimes. But it was a beauty of a throw. (By the way, I notice a lot less balls coming out to center after this goes down). I also threw someone out at 1st from center. I feel kind of bad doing that but I guess that's part of the game.

The rest of the game was basically a normal game. Since I know the rules I was able to take advantage of a few people who didn't and help the team get some runs. Plus, knowing how to run bases is a big help, even if I don't do it that quickly. We ended up winning by a run. Crazy dude #1 ended up hitting a dinger (it was Barry Bonds esque, and with no fences you have to run around the bases to get a home run) and the last time he was up we walked him (not intentionally but sort of after he fouled off the first pitch. Rules of the league are that if a guy walks, with a girl following him, and you didn't pitch him any strikes he and the girl behind him get on. So the fact that he fouled off the pitch was huge.)

Softball rules.

FGLB